Brisco's Robbers Disappointed with their Crime, Intended to Rob Flo-Rida

Assailants upset with both the quantity and quality of Brisco's possessions.

Miami - August 6th 2009

Dade County rapper Brisco - real name British Alexander Mitchell
- was robbed last week by a group of men in a Miami barbershop at 6301 NW Sixth Ave.

According to police reports, Brisco was in the process of having his hair cut when four armed assailants stormed the barbershop and stole more than $35,000 in jewelry, $1,000 dollars in cash, and the rapper's Range Rover.

Police have made one arrest in connection with the robbery, and have interviewed the alleged ringleader of the heist who was very vocal about the incident.

As it turns out, the mid-week robbery was merely a case of mistaken identity.

Speaking anonymously from his cell at the Metro West Detention Center, the unnamed suspect assumed that he was robbing multi-platinum rapper Flo-Rida.

"Yeah, we thought were robbing Flo-Rida cause that muthaf*ckas got bread, but it turns out we robbed some bum ass rapper named Brisco. He didn't even have a drop. All he had was a Range, and that sh*t was leased." The suspect continued his tirade about the quality of Brisco's possessions, exclaiming "A f*cking Range Rover! I know it’s a recession, but god damn, I was expecting a drop top Mercedes at the very minimum. This is Miami."

The whole robbery appears to have been plagued by confusion as the suspect was surprised that Brisco even had a Ranger Rover and he did not recognize the rapper while he was robbing him. In fact, robbery detectives needed to show the suspect a Youtube video of Brisco with Lil Wayne before he even realized that he had assaulted someone famous.

Whatever the outcome of the situation, it is now clear that the suspect had no intention of robbing Brisco because like most Americans, he had no idea that the rapper even existed.

"I mean, who the f*ck is this dude anyways? What did his single chart, 104? Flo-Rida lives in the top ten duke. We were after that iTunes money and all this bum had was one stack. One stack! You know the economy is f*cked when a rapper only got one stack. I thought he was signed to Cash Money!"

It seems that times are tough for thugs in Miami and with all of Young Money currently headlining the America's Most Wanted Tour, local stick-up artists are desperately searching for work.

"How am I supposed to make a living in this town?" the suspect asked as he lamented about the current Miami rap scene, "Ross is police, Wayne is never around and that goofy lookin' Stacks dude is just too easy."

The suspect does plan to learn from his mistakes however, and when finally released from prison he hopes to do more research into where local rappers congregate and do business.

"I mean, hitting up that barbershop was just plain dumb. I should have known better than to try and catch Flo-Rida getting his hair cut, cause that boy's hairline is farther back than 1980."

If convicted, the suspect faces 10 years in prison.

Police are still looking for the 3 remaining suspects and if anyone has any information, please call 305-222-ROSS.

This is fake news.

DSuth313 reporting for

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