The revolutionary new electric car has unprecedented mileage/Decepticon killing capabilities.
Detroit - August 13th 2009
By David Sutherland for SarcasticDBag.Blogspot.com
After worrying millions of Americans with bankruptcy troubles earlier this year, auto giant General Motors is ready to make a full comeback with their revolutionary new electric car that also doubles as a Decepticon-slaughtering transforming Autobot.
"Having a car that gets triple-digit fuel economy can and will be a game changer for us," said GM CEO Fritz Henderson. "And let's not forget the fact that these sweet-ass rides can destroy a Decepticon in under ten seconds."
The thousand-year-long war between Autobots and Decepticons has recently affected the citizens of Earth as some 10,000 humans have perished since the planet became a hotly contested battleground for the sentient robots from Cybertron. However, the ongoing feud between rival factions of robotic aliens has not stopped General Motors from designing innovative new vehicles for the changing consumer habits of humanoids everywhere.
"At General Motors we design our vehicles with a 'consumer first' kind of mentality," said Henderson. "That's why our engineers have created a vehicle with the economy, the environment, and the inevitable Decepticon induced holocaust in mind."
Environmental advocacy groups across the country have praised the Volt for its green friendly approach to driving, and pre-orders for the car are strong in environmentally conscious cities like San Franciso.
The U.S. Military has also endorsed the Volt and has ordered five hundred vehicles for transporting high-ranking officers and other V.I.P's, which is a challenge that the GM CEO thinks their new car is more than up for.
"The Decepticons have proven that they're a legitimate threat to the existence of the human race, so thankfully the Volt comes equipped with the latest developments in Autobot weaponry, as well as an iPod dock and a programmable GPS," said a jubilant Henderson. "What's most impressive though, is that most Volt drivers will operate on a daily basis without having to use a single drop of gas."
Initial gas mileage reports for the Volt are truly spectacular, and if it performs like the GM executives say it will, the car should leave leading competitors like Toyota and Ford in the dust.
"The Volt's mileage is incredile when compared to other cars," Henderson beamed. "For example, the Toyota Prius only gets 46 mpg, while the Ford Escape Hybrid gets a meager 34.
And neither of these cars can transform into a fully functioning Autobot that can save humanity from eternal enslavement by the evil hordes of Megatron's Decepticon army."
The fully equipped Chevrolet Volt is scheduled to go on sale in late 2010 for around $40,000.
As of press time, representatives for neither Ford, Toyota or the Decepticons were available for comment.
This is fake news.
Written by David Sutherland for SarcasticDBag.Blogspot.com
For more fake news, click here.
0 comments:
Post a Comment