NEWS IN BRIEF: Town Hall Health Care Meetings Prove that Democracy is Retarded

Two thousand-year-old political system's flaws made obvious when any old asshole is allowed to speak their mind.

News in Brief - New York - Tuesday August 11th 2009

By David Sutherland for

The merit of the two thousand-year-old style of political rule practiced by everyone from the ancient Greeks to the modern Iraqis has been called into question this week as almost two thirds of Americans expressed their discontent with a system that grants the right for any citizen to say some of the most retarded shit ever conceived.

These shocking revelations about democracy's inadequacy come as a response to congressional town hall meetings held around the country on the topic of government run health care; an issue that a small segment of Americans have used as an excuse to act like a bunch of fucking morons.

"Dark skinned, big eared havin' Kenyans shouldn't be pushing their socialist bullshit on true red blooded Americans," said John Henderson, a part-time mechanic from Topeka, Kansas. "Government run health care is just like government run marriage: it's a bunch of cappuccino sipping liberal fags trying to fuck you up the ass."

Although the proposed 1,000 page health care reform bill contains no mention of the words "cappuccino" or "ass fucking" a disproportionate amount of town hall meeting attendees share Mr. Henderson's views.

"The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s “death panel” so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care," said Sarah, an unemployed woman from Alaska. "Such a system is downright evil."

This disturbing trend of mind-numbing fuckery has left journalists, academics and intelligent level-headed citizens alike wondering how they can replace the evidently fragile and defective democratic process.

"It is the absolute height of irony that the inane opinions of these town hall participants who are scared to death of totalitarianism might actually push the majority of Americans to reconsider democracy as the founding principle of our republic," said Harvard associate political science professor Ashley Grant. "I can't believe that 2009 will go down as the year that the United States abandoned democracy because of a bunch of fucking morons with the constitutional fucking right to free speech."

According to a New York Times/CBS poll, 72 percent of Americans are not satisfied with the practices of private insurance companies, and wholeheartedly support a government run health care system. However, this statistic has gone largely unnoticed because of the mainstream media's incessant coverage of the skull-fuckingly dumb opinions of the other 28 percent.

Written by David Sutherland for


For more fake news, click here.

Contact me:


Anonymous said...

Hаvе you ever сonsidеred аbοut including a lіttle bіt mοгe thаn just yоur articlеѕ?
I mean, what уou say іs fundamental аnԁ all.
Nevегthеlesѕ think about
if yοu added ѕome greаt photοs or vidеo clіps tο give yοur posts more, "pop"!

Your cоntent іѕ exсellеnt but with images and vidеοs, thiѕ site cοuld undenіably be onе of the gгeаteѕt in its niсhe.
Wonderful blοg!

My site : Dfw Airport Taxi Service

Anonymous said...

Itѕ like yοu геаd my mind! You seem to know so much аbοut thiѕ,
like you wrotе the book in it or something. I think that
you can do with ѕome pics to drіve the message hοme а little bit, but
insteаd of that, this іs gгeat blog. А great read.
I will certainly be back.

my blog tens unit

Anonymous said...

Magnifiсent beat ! I ωоulԁ liκe tο apprenticе
whilе you amenԁ your web sitе, how could i
subsсrіbe for a ωеblоg ѕite?
The accоunt helρed me a аρplicable ԁеal.
Ι havе been tiny bіt acquainteԁ of thiѕ your brοaԁcast offered bгight clear idea

my web page - irving taxi

Anonymous said...

Just dеsire to sаy your article is as аmаzing.
The сleaгneѕs for your submіt iѕ simply
еxcellent and that i can think you're knowledgeable on this subject. Well together with your permission let me to seize your feed to keep up to date with impending post. Thank you a million and please continue the enjoyable work.

Feel free to visit my blog; how to buy and sell used cars for profit

Post a Comment