Dick Cheney Furious with Dan Brown's Inaccurate Portrayal of the Masons in The Lost Symbol

"We don't drink out of skulls! We siphon the blood from orphaned babies," claims the furious former VP.

By David Sutherland for SarcasticDBag.Blogspot.com

Wyoming - September 17th 2009

Dan Brown's latest novel The Lost Symbol has received criticism for its inaccurate and misleading portrayal of the rituals of Freemasons from an unlikely source: the former Vice President of the United States.

Dick Cheney, long believed to be an elite member of several secret societies, lashed out against Dan Brown for what he claims is "a perversion of the true purpose of Freemasonry and the bastardization of our rituals."

"Mr. Brown clearly knows nothing about what we do," Cheney said while on vacation at his expansive cabin in northern Wyoming. "For example, in Chapter 38, when Robert Langdon discovers a Chamber of Reflection in the subbasement of the U.S. Capitol, Brown writes that we use these rooms for reflection and meditation. Wrong! These are rape rooms, idiot!"

Brown's novel, which follows the life of fictional Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon as he solves Masonic mysteries, has proven to be just as controversial as his previous two books, The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons.

For example, in Chapter 6 Brown writes that the Masons are a society that is above racial and religious discrimination when accepting new members, a claim that Cheney calls "absolute bull dick."

"The Masons are a society of white protestant males who seek to advance the cause of white protestant males. End of discussion," Cheney fumed. "It's not fair that this man should be allowed to freely misrepresent our rituals which for centuries have kept white men like me rich and powerful."

Instead of pursuing legal action against the writer, the former Vice President plans to bludgeon 33 virgins to death at the base of the Washington monument in an attempt to try and coax the Masonic Supreme Council of Scottish Rite into action.

Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol is available in hardcover both online and at your local bookstore for $29.95 from Doubleday.

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