Jay-Z Arrested in Switzerland for Unlawful Sex with Beyonce

U.S. authorities have had a warrant for his arrest since the 2003 release of "Crazy In Love".

By David Sutherland for SarcasticDBag.Blogspot.com

Zurich - American rapper Jay-Z (born Shawn Corey Carter) was arrested today in Switzerland during a cross-country promotional campaign for his latest album The Blueprint 3. The arrest stems from a 2003 warrant issued by the Harris County District Attorney's Office for "unlawful sex with Beyonce Knowles" a 2nd degree felony in the State of Texas.

The rapper, who has evaded U.S. law enforcement for 6 years now, faces extradition to Houston where if found guilty, he'll serve a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison.

Suspicion of Jay-Z's illegal activities with Beyonce began in 2002 when the then 19-year-old singer was featured on the rapper's song "03 Bonnie & Clyde". Although the public brushed off the collaboration as standard music industry practice, the odd-ball pairing of the stunning Knowles and the "gargoyle-esque" looking Carter caught the eye of Harris County District Attorney Patricia R. Lykos.

"Have you ever seen a picture of Beyonce before," asked Lykos. "She's probably the hottest woman in the world. There's no way someone as beautiful as her has been having consensual sex with a man like Jay-Z for 6 or 7 years now. Once we saw the video for "Crazy In Love", we issued a warrant and decided to prosecute."

Despite Beyonce's repeated declarations that her and Jay-Z have been dating for years, and were in fact married in April 2008, members of the Harris County District Attorney's Office find this claim to be "completely implausible" and an affront to "common sense, human decency and the natural laws of physical attraction."

"I know he's rich, but he can't be that rich. With a face like that you'd have to have Saudi prince money to land Beyonce," said District Attorney Lykos. "She probably has Stockholm Syndrome."

Representatives for both Beyonce and Jay-Z claim that a 2008 New York State marriage license will prove the rapper's innocence. However, prosecutors for the case cite the rapper's unwillingness to talk about Beyonce with the media as proof of his criminal conspiracy to brain-wash the most beautiful woman in the world.

"It's been one a hell of a ride catching this guy," said William Sorukas of the U.S. Marshals Service. "But now we can finally put the man who's been masquerading as Beyonce Knowles's boyfriend and husband behind bars where he belongs. Once he's in jail and they're no longer together, the world will make a lot more sense."

Jay-Z's trial is set for November 21st in Houston.

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