Obama's Bipartisan Health Care Reform Compromise: Private Insurance for Some, Q-Ray Bracelets for Others

By David Sutherland for SarcasticDBag.Blogspot.com

September 21, 2009

Washington - After months of intense criticism by a militant and united opposition to the Democrat's Affordable Health Choices Act, President Obama unveiled his plan for compromise and bipartisanship on Monday.

In a speech before a joint session of Congress, President Obama announced that he supports both private insurance companies and a substantial public option. However, the controversial public option has been retooled to center around the awesome healing power of the revolutionary Q-Ray bracelet.

"Over one million Q-Ray bracelets have been sold, but still, millions of Americans are weary and wonder if the Q-Ray bracelet is the right bracelet for them," Obama stated at the start of his speech. "Well, it doesn't have to be that way, because under our new plan all of the Q-Ray products carry a 30 day money back guarantee."

Under the current health care system, a Q-Ray bracelet would cost an uninsured American any where from 100 to 250 dollars, but with the addition of a public option, an uninsured citizen would only have to make 4 easy payments of $9.95. Furthermore, the uninsured citizen would also get a pair of HD Vision Wrap Around sunglasses absolutely free of charge.

President Obama has described the Q-Ray bracelet as the "epitome" of American ingenuity and innovation. The product, which uses advanced ionization technology, can only be described as a sort-of silver horseshoe shaped band of metal. When the device is placed on a human wrist it works wonders and either alleviates or cures every ailment and illness imaginable.

"I'm no doctor," Obama quipped in front of Congress. "And I don't always understand how ionization works, but listen to me loud and clear when I say this: it worked for me, and for only 4 easy payments of $9.95, it can work for you too."

Obama continued, "Now is the season for action. Now is when we must bring the best ideas of both parties together, and show the American people that we can still do what we were sent here to do. Now is the time to deliver on health care. Now is the time to deliver on health care. Now is the time for the American citizen to reach for their phones and dial 1-866-299-7729 and buy this revolutionary product!"

Obama's speech was hailed by both Democrats and Republicans as an achievement in political compromise.

Representatives for the Q-Ray bracelet were only available for comment during the first 20 minutes after the president's speech.

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