Video: Oprah Gets to Hear "On To The Next One"

Watch out Bleek, Gayle King is after your hype-man spot!

Video: Jay-Z and Oprah Preview

"Then I moved to weight like I'm Oprah's son, Uh, I show you how to do this son." - Jay-Z

Jigga's Oprah appearance is scheduled to air on the 24th.

If you want to read a funny article about Jay-Z and Oprah, click here.

Jay-Z and Oprah Admit to Longtime Affair

"We've been dating for years," said a jubilant Winfrey.

Chicago - Monday August 10th

By David Sutherland for SarcasticDBag.Blogspot.com

Oprah Winfrey revealed today that she has been in a secret relationship with Shawn (Jay-Z) Carter for almost 8 years, and that the couple will appear together on the cover of next month's issue of O! Magazine.

“I have some disagreements with the music, but I love him,” Winfrey gushed to her longtime friend and radio host Gayle King. "He's so charming and delightful and he smells so good. It’s that kinda thing where you hug a guy and his scent is buried in him."

The couple made headlines yesterday when members of the paparazzi snapped photos of the two millionaires visiting Jay-Z's childhood home in the Marcy Housing Projects in Brooklyn. They were believed to be spending time at Jay-Z's grandmother's house where the rapper spent the majority of his youth before he made it big in the music business.

"It was so cute, seeing them visit Jay's grandma's house," said Michelle Donaldson, who is one of Oprah's personal assistants. "I haven't seen her this happy in ages. When she's with Jay she just glows!"

Oprah's happiness comes at Beyonce Knowles' expense however, as the popular singer and wife of Jay-Z had a lot invested in her marriage with the Brooklyn rapper. According to several sources close to Beyonce, knowledge of her rampant lesbianism is a well guarded secret that her relationship with Jay-Z was designed to cover.

"That whole Beyonce thing was just a mirage," said Jay-Z's longtime friend Tah Tah. "Everyone knows B's a lesbian and that Jay has been seeing Oprah since he dropped The Blueprint back in 2001."

"Yeah, B is girl crazy," said Beyonce's former band mate and close friend Kelly Rowland. "I remember when she used to go through 2 or 3 girls a night when we on tour. Her relationship with Jay provided her with the perfect cover to just dyke the f*ck out, and it worked for him too, cause he got to spend time with his girl Oprah."

With this information made public it looks like Jay-Z and Beyonce's marriage was the most elaborately conceived marital scam since Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wed in the summer of 2005.

Keeping the secret hidden from the public proved too much for Winfrey to handle however, and she nearly revealed the affair at President Obama's inauguration in January. Luckily that plan was quashed when Jay-Z decided against going public at that particular moment out of respect for the new president, as he didn't want to distract the media from the unprecedented event of a black man being sworn in as commander in chief.

"It was just so awkward sitting there so close to Jay and Beyonce and not being able to do anything," Oprah confessed. "I know Obama's inauguration was a historical moment but I have to admit all I was thinking at the time was 'To hell with this light skinned Obama n*gga, I'm in love with Jay-Z'."

The freshly outed couple plans to wed in December after Jay-Z finishes touring in support of his new album The Blueprint 3. The new issue of O! Magazine highlighting the couple's relationship hits newsstands on September 1st.

Written by David Sutherland for SarcasticDBag.Blogspot.com

THIS IS FAKE NEWS

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Jay-Z and Oprah in the Marcy Projects

If I did some research I'd be able to tell you why Oprah and Jay-Z are hanging out in the Marcy Projects, but I didn't. It's Sunday people, gimme a break.

Apparently the stoop that Jay and Oprah are standing in front of is Jay's grandmothers.

It sure looks like a swell place to drink!

"I don’t be in the project hallway/Talkin’ bout how I be in the project all day" - Jay-Z

UPDATE:

I did some research and it turns out Hov and Harpo are filming for her show. That's a good look for Jay. He's already got Leno covered, and now Oprah. His media game for Blueprint 3 is on point.

SECOND UPDATE:

Jay and Oprah are actually doing a piece for O! Magazine and not her show. If you want to read a fake (but funny) account of what went on, click here.